Sorry to my two readers, I haven't had any good stories in the last few days because things actually ran smoothly.
Today, I left work at noon due to a stomach thing, which I will only explain as dysentery, and leave it at that, because I am a fucking lady.
About an hour ago, Kip asked me to come outside because he had to feed and milk cow #2 (Snooki) was calving. Firstly, I would like to say that Jersey cows are weird, she was licking her own udders, which I found strange and at that moment vowed to Kip, when I am pushing my kid out...I won't feel the need to do that.
This calf was a little on the big side, so after the head came out, I helped her a little bit. Everything went fine and we have a black and white, little girl. I am a very proud parent. Also, I plan on keeping this calf...sorry Kip.
Here's what- you know that part in the movie Titanic where Jack tells Rose to hold her breath, and you always do- even though you (me) have seen the movie at least 240 times. For me, watching a cow give birth has a similar effect. When she pushes...I do too. Which is not great when you are home with a stomach bug that has you headed to the facilities every 20 minutes. So I had to be careful there and stop giving my cow moral support with my pushing, because I did not want to be delivering my own bundle of joy.
Then I went to help her- my life is gross-
I didn't want the bag over its head so I grabbed that and broke it while amniotic fluid made its way all over me (good thing I have an expensive engagement ring.) Then I opened its mouth so said fluid went out and not into the lungs. Then I gave some tugs on that calf- remembering that I still have that stomach issue.
If you are wondering if I pooed myself, the answer is no, but I did make haste back to my house because I figured the cow was on her own at that point.
If I don't have a privileged life...I really don't know who does.
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