As you get to know me, you will realize that I am an idiot. I am a full time city deputy clerk engaged to a full time forest service fire fighter and a full time rancher. We have no hired help. Because we are stupid. And poor. We are stupid, and poor.
This "adventure" begins with a Jersey cow. They are spoiled rotten, pain in the ass cows that need milked twice a day, unless they have a small herd of calves to suck the life out of them. I have two. You shouldn't need any further information about Jersey cattle.
My betrothed has less than zero patience for this kind of thing, so the milk maid duties are bestowed upon me. (I am marrying for love) these type of cows can be a bit...spiteful. They like eating the grain that goes along with the milking, but not the actual milking. So they usually relieve themselves while I am squatted down near the ground where the BM makes a big healthy SPLAT. Their urine also tends to spray in one direction too, that direction is knows as "where ever my face is."
This particular splat landed in my bucket and sploshed (yeah, that's a word now) a spray of milky cow shit in my face. Free facial. With Bag Balm all over my hands, I just let that dry up nice and crusty on my face. I get to the house and deal with my milk (strain, pour, freeze) and head upstairs to my kitchen where a rouge calf bottle was forgotten in the porch. I just decided to give it a quick rinse in the kitchen sink and call it a night.
My ever-so-helpful man tells me to "be careful where I rinse things, because cow shit spreads e-coli."
...
*Poo still on face...
Colby...I just took a mouth full of cow feces to the face with an open mouth. I feel like the kitchen sink is a moot point.
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